im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i've created a new STD.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
