I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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