If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
