Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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