How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I need to stop coming to work sober
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
