It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i think i just lost a toe
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