wakey wakey hands off snakey
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
