i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
