My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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