so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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