my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
