i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
