In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
