I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
