just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
is it fun? or sober?
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