he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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