I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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