Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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