the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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