If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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