Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
