i will never coherently bang her
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
