He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
