so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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