My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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