I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
