That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
