OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
