Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
wanna go halves on a baby?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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