ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
