He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
