Duck Duck Cougar?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
