worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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