My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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