I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
