Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
