My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
