I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
