Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
