I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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