i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I will pee on everything he values.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
