Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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