she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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