when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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