So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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