I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
