people are starting to question the shark bite story
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
