he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
