I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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