girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
