i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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