can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
