The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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