Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
