you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
