Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I will pee on everything he values.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
