why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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