The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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