Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
