I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
