Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
