Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
