i permit you to call me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
