I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize