well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize