I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
