You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
